tempo run 5/30

I ran 30 minutes today while my daughter was at piano. My leg hurt terribly from shin splints in my right leg, so I know I wasn't running at a decent pace. The pain was annoying and nagging and HOLDING ME BACK.

Shit.

I need to take care of this, rest a bit. But I long to run almost everyday lately. I need it to it clear my head and cushion my heart.

I am going to run with K. on Sunday, but I am afraid I won't make a good partner. We'll see.

interval run 5/27/08

I did 6 one minute intervals today during my 4 mile run. I want to build up to doing more, but I really am not sure how many. 10?

long run 5/25/08

I ran 6.6 miles with K. today and it felt great. It was a gorgeous day, and the sky was a crystal clear blue. Thanks, K., for being my running buddy and dear friend.

long run 5/23/08

I ran 7 miles today in a little over an hour. It was painful for the first half of the run as I have some slight muscle soreness in my left shin/calf from not stretching properly. But I ran through it (not sure if that was wise, really) and ended having a nice run.

tempo run 5/22/08

I ran another private 5k today. I completed 3.1 miles in 26 minutes and 24 seconds. Not nearly as good as last week, but ok for a training run.

interval run 5/19/08

I ran about 4 miles (not entirely sure) today. If I wasn't so damn tired right now I would look up my exact distance on map my run.com. But, as you know, I am lazy, lazy, lazy.

I did 7 one minute intervals during the run.

It wasn't a great run; it was pretty windy out, and I just felt slow. But still, I got my ass out the door, and sometimes that is all that counts.

long (ish) run--5/17/08

I ran 6 miles today. I took exactly an hour which isn't great time but is respectable none the less.

All in all it felt good to get out there. Hope to run again on Monday.

easy run 5/15/08/weigh in

I ran an easy 3.5 or 4 miles. Not sure which as I left my gps at home. My legs were sore, sore, sore, but it still felt good to get out there. I am forcing myself to take today off. My knees and hips need a break!

Weigh in at weight watcher's sucked. I am 4 pounds over my goal weight. I know it is all my fault. I have been binging and eating mindlessly--again. I need to get back in control somehow. Any tips?

surprise 5k--5/14/08

I surprised the hell out of myself today. After a long day of eating loads of crap, I decided I needed a run. I have a gps/timer which tracks my pace, distance, time, etc.

I ran a 5k (3.1 miles) in 25 minutes and 30 seconds. That beats my personal race record of 25 minutes and 45 seconds. I didn't intend to do this. I never thought I could run that sort of pace without the adrenaline of an actual race. Yet I did it.

I really did it.

interval run--5/13/08

I ran 4.5 miles today, with 6, 1 minute intervals worked in. It felt good, but it is starting to get hot out.

fun run --5/11/08

I wasn't planning on running today, but the beuatiful weather drew me outside. I surprised myself by running 6 miles. It took about an hour, but there was quite a bit of wind on the way out.

I needed this. I need the endorphins or serotonin or whatever it is you get when running. I felt clean afterwards, more whole.

An that is exactly what I needed after many, many days of feeling broken and sad.

easy run--5/10

This should have been my day for a long run, but K. was gone and without her I have no motivation at all.

But somehow through the fog that comes with depression, allergies, and knee pain I managed a slow 4 miles.

I wanted more; maybe I can sneak in another run tomorrow.

Fat

This is not the word that most people would use to describe me, yet when I look in a mirror this is all I see.

Fat.

It doesn't matter how much I run or how much weight I have lost, I still only see one thing.

Fat.

When I go to try on new clothes I still pick out items in my old size and bigger.

Fat.

When I look in the mirror I only see a sad girl with wide hips and a squishy middle.

Fat.

I can talk a good game about how excited I am that I have lost weight, about how much better I feel now, about how losing it was about health and not about image, but ultimately it doesn't change how I feel.

Fat.

I do not talk to many people about this. They just don't buy it. They see me with their kind, friendly eyes and have no idea that these feelings of ugliness and self loathing are beneath the surface. They see thin. I see. . .

Fat.

But I want this to end. I thought losing 20 pounds would help me see who I really am, yet it hasn't. I want to look in the mirror and see so many other things besides. . .

Fat.

I want to find other words to describe myself besides a loaded word like. . .

Fat.

I will continue to struggle with this, forever perhaps. But hopefully I will look in the mirror one day and see something else. See. . .

Me.

Tempo 5/06

I did a tempo run today which means that I ran as hard as I could (about race pace) for about 30 minutes. I went about 3 miles, but my gps tracker died on me, so I have no idea of my exact time or my pace. Tomorrow will be a much needed day off.

interval run-5/5

Today I ran 4.5 miles total with some intervals thrown in. I know a lot of runners do interval training by distance, but I do it by time: run hard and fast for 1 minute, jog lightly for 2 minutes, reapeat. Today I warmed up for about a mile then did 5 sets of intervals. I finished it off with an easy run the rest of the way home.

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I have been having horrible shoulder and neck pain today which was slightly aggravated by the run today. Hopefully some rest and Advil will help.

Long run--5/3/08

Went 8 miles yesterday with K. It took us 1 hour 25 minutes which is respectable, I think. I feel the ache in my legs today, though.